When they won’t follow your advice…

Dan sat frustrated in his business consultant’s office. It was that same problem they’d been dealing with for months.

His consultant told him that if he wanted to get more clients, he would have to start cold calling. His consultant was certain that getting on the phone would get Dan’s results.
But Dan resisted. It’s not that he was against the idea…
He was too busy… not making money. 

He knew he should… but there always seemed to be something more important (or interesting) to do.

He wanted to turn his business around, but he couldn’t take action. He was stuck.

And on top of that, he felt guilty and ashamed.
Sitting there with the one person trying to help him, not following instructions.

His consultant was frustrated too. He saw potential in Dan. He knew Dan could get what he wanted if only he would take action.

But instead of action, Dan was telling the same old stories – the excuses for why he wasn’t doing it. His stories about who he is and where he came from that leave him stuck with such limited options now.

“Do you want things to change?”
“Do you want my help?”
“So what’s the problem?”

I’m sure you have found yourself in a similar situation before. Hearing someone’s excuses for why they can’t go out and get what they want…
and thinking “Seriously – do they want it or not?”

In a way, we’re all coaches or advisors, whether by profession or in our personal relationships.
We like helping people work out their problems.

But you know what? Sometimes you can’t just tell them what to do.

Dwight Eisenhower said leadership is
“The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

That’s the trick – getting them to want to take action.

And to do that, you have to go deeper. Beyond the analytical conscious mind.
Speak to the subconscious mind.

I’m not talking about mind control or manipulation.

I’m talking about really, truly helping your “clients” – (actual clients and friends & family)

It’s not about bluntly sharing advice or opinion.
It’s saying what they need to hear.
So they can achieve the outcome they want.

In a moment I’ll share one effective way to speak to the subconscious mind. But first, I’d like to explain the ABC method behind it.

A is for Attention

If you want to direct the subconscious mind, you first need to occupy your client’s Attention.
But here’s the tricky thing about attention – the conscious mind likes to analyze. It likes to stop the flow of information and say “Hold on…” and “Ya, but….”
It’s called the “Critical Faculty,” and it’s the reason our clients hold on to their limitations.

B is for Bypass

Artfully direct the attention and bypass the critical faculty.
You probably already know of a few ways to do this.
You might do it without even thinking about it.
But true influence is when you can do this on demand!

C is for Command

Once you bypass the critical faculty, the subconscious is ready for your command.
Give your suggestion in a skillful way – so they can accept it.
So they can take action.

And now is when you ask “How does this work?”

Well, imagine a pickpocket –
He’ll direct his unsuspecting victims’ attention to one thing.
Something like, say, the watch on his left hand.
And while the victim is looking at his watch, he is not paying attention to his wallet in his left pocket.
And that’s when the pickpocket strikes.

But in our case, we’re not taking something out – we’re putting something in.
Something that will free our client and help them achieve their outcome.

Makes sense, right?


So I promised I’d show you a way to do this.

In the Influence & Impact course, I teach over 80 techniques to apply the ABC method (not to mention so much more.)

One of my favorites is the Metaphor.

The use of a symbol to illustrate characteristics of something not directly related to it.

You can deliver metaphors sometimes as a story, sometimes as a brief statement. And embedded within it is the solution to the client’s problem.

The client thinks you’re just telling them a story.

But their subconscious mind is automatically looking for something valuable in it.

Pro Tip: Don’t explain the connection.
Once you explain the metaphor, their critical faculty will jump in and criticize it…

Trust that as they hear the story, their subconscious mind work it out.

Sure, it’s not for everyone.
It’s not as easy as telling your client “Just stop it!

It takes some preparation, and some practice.

But once you see it work, you’ll be hooked!

So ask yourself:

Do truly want to help your clients?
Are you willing to take responsibility for moving your clients toward success?
Do you know that the more you learn and grow, the better you will be for them?

If so, then you’ll want to put in the work to get good at this.


That’s how I was able to help Dan.

We met for drinks and he told me how frustrating things had been with his business coach.

I let the conversation flow to other topics. And later, I told him about my grandma –

She was having a problem with her computer, and she was frustrated, trying to figure it out on her own. Not knowing about her problem, I called her to say hi. She was so happy to hear from me, as if she was waiting for me to call and didn’t even realize it. Because I had the solution to her problem.
I walked her through a quick fix over the phone, and she was relieved. And I thought about how I used to put off calling…. But after realizing how happy I made her, I call whenever I think about it.

Dan didn’t realize it was changing his own story.
But he picked up the phone the next day. He signed 3 new clients that week. And boy was his business consultant surprised.

“Whoa, what happened?”
“I don’t know, I just wanted to help people. It didn’t seem like a big deal.”


I don’t know about you, but I love that look of amazement when a client realizes the problem is gone,
and he doesn’t understand how!

And this is only scratching the surface! 

If you want to take your coaching skills to the next level,
If you want to know how to influence your clients,
If you want to help them make a change quickly and easily,

Then what better way to do that than the Influence & Impact course.

Our next live events are coming up in Ontario, Canada, and Yorba Linda, California.
And you can find all the details HERE.

You may feel like the workshop is right for you, or you may not. Either way, please share in the comments and let me know what made this article helpful for you!


PS – If live workshops aren’t your thing, there’s an online version too. Check it out HERE.

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